(516) 340-0378 Woodbury, New York
Why you have to stop giving everything to your kid.

Why you have to stop giving everything to your kid.

Hey parent!

Let’s start with stating the obvious …

You love your kid.

BUT … you may feel at times …

resentful …

overwhelmed …

stressed …

And maybe a bit guilty because even though you LOVE your child, you resent the fact that parenthood makes you a bit bitter.

If so, don’t worry since you are not alone.

You should not feel guilty about this.

In fact, these are common emotions that you are feeling so don’t fret.

In this article I am about to share with you …

  • Why you feel this way
  • Why it’s not a BAD thing BUT a GOOD thing
  • And how you are going to fix it.

Here goes …

As a parent you want what’s best for your child.  Obviously.

And like most parents, your intention is to provide a better life, with more opportunity for your child than what you experienced growing up.  Sound familiar?

But the problem is that although your intention is good, you give away the farm to your child.

And I don’t just mean the physical things or experiences …

Instead, you give them one of the most important things YOU must nurture and LOVE in order for YOU to feel good.

And that is …

Yourself.

That’s right.  You forget to take care of YOU FIRST.

And yes, I can hear many out there saying now … “well if my kid is happy then I will be happy” …

BUT this too is a BIG MISTAKE, NEVER WORKS long term and sets you up for BIG time resentment, not just as a parent but as a person and I am going to tell you why …

If YOU allow your happiness to depend on anyone other than yourself, you are setting yourself up for a life of disappointment; and this includes the happiness of a child or a spouse …

You see …

Unless YOU are happy, you really don’t have much to give anyone else.

It’s hard to LOVE and GIVE whole-heartedly when YOU are not LOVING yourself.  In fact it’s pretty impossible …

And what most parents don’t realize is that the more YOU as the parent become happy with yourself the more you teach your children (by EXAMPLE) that their happiness comes from within them and is not dependent on you as the parent or anyone else for that matter. (Imagine learning THAT at a young age … that’s a life changer)

So if you want to be an example of what it looks like to Start Loving Life® and teach your kids to do the same, then listen up …

Taking care of yourself is NOT taking the time to get your nails done OR get your hair done or spend the day at a salon.

Although nice, those are short-lived and temporary.  You may feel good in the moment, but as soon as you get home you’ll be back to the grind waiting on the next nail or spa appointment …

So instead I am going to tell you what you can do that ACTUALLY WORKS and is simpler than going to a salon.  In fact you don’t even have to leave your house for it …

I know it’s hard to believe that it can be that easy, but a wonderful thing happens when YOU Start Loving Life: not only do YOU feel good but your life actually becomes much easier …

So here goes ….

RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, you are going to do the ONE thing you probably NEVER do.  But it’s the MOST POWERFUL thing you SHOULD do that will get you feeling better RIGHT AWAY …

YOU HAVE TO START APPRECIATING YOURSELF!!!!

That’s right.  I said it.  Now you may be rolling your eyes right now but hear me out …

You may be super-loving and kind with your child, but ARE YOU super-loving and kind to the first person that matters most … YOU?

Meaning are you appreciating all the BIG and LITTLE ways you …

  • Manage your family life (all of it … kids, spouse, parents, pets, etc.)?
  • Maintain the household STUFF?
  • FOOD?  Everyone has to eat right?
  • Perhaps you have a J-O-B?

AND do you appreciate yourself when you TOTALLY mess up?

Like forgetting to pack your kid’s lunch?

Or forgetting to pick up your child from school or daycare?

Sounds terrible I know, but it’s called LIFE and it’s called it’s okay to mess up.  But appreciate the fact that YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST and STOP being so hard on yourself.

In fact, practice smiling MORE.

Practice laughing MORE.

BUT first and foremost, practice LOVING YOURSELF MORE …

Because MOM … YOU ARE AMAZING.  And I am sure your kid is pretty damn amazing, too.

But the BEST part about this whole process is that once YOU start to feel amazing, REGARDLESS of anyone or anything, you will then teach your child to do the same.

Imagine that?

Connie Henriquez is a Teen Life Coach who works with kids & teens who suffer from anxiety and common childhood insecurities. Her specialty includes teaching them how to be confident, happy, make better decisions and LOVE their LIFE in as little as 30 days (regardless of what they have experienced in their past). For more information check out StartLovingLife.com or call (516) 340-0378.

 

 

Why Being Helpful Can Be Bad

Why being helpful is not always a good thing and how to tell the difference…

…over time we have trained ourselves to associate different qualities to define ourselves, yet sometimes we don’t realize that the quality we thought was good, may be the very quality that is holding us back from living OUR LIFE in a VERY BIG WAY.

One word that often comes up when I work with clients and “how they view” themselves in the world is by using the word: helpful.

Now I am not saying that being “helpful” is ALWAYS bad, because of course it is not, it can actually be quite rewarding. But one thing I want you to really think about is….what context are you using the word “helpful” in viewing yourself…

  1. Are you helpful, because you know your WORTH, you feel GREAT and you LOVE to give to others without expecting anything in return?OR
  2. Are you helpful, (sometimes depleting yourself of your own personal resources or happiness) in search of validation secretly hoping to receive love, acceptance or appreciation in return.

Both answers are completely different and result in 2 VERY different outcomes for you and your life’s decisions.

The 1st outcome you feel great regardless and the 2nd outcome you set yourself up for disappointment if you do not receive the desired response (which you don’t need anyway from ANYONE).

So take it from me who has seen many people struggle with wanting to be of help or “of service” to others. Don’t make the mistake of being “helpful” if you need to tend to yourself first. Because sacrificing yourself, your mental health or your happiness is never worth it.

Help yourself first, because similar to the instructions they give you on an airplane about the use of the oxygen mask…unless you take care of yourself first, you won’t have anything to give to anyone….anyway.

Feel free to comments below and if you found this helpful please share with your friends using the social media icons 😉

XOXO
Connie

How to Deal with Negative People

How to Deal with Negative People

HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE

When clients ask me how to deal with negative people I always respond with the same answer…

The more positive YOU get, the less likely you will attract (encounter) negative people.

Which is TOTALLY true.

BUT …

What happens when that negative person is in your FAMILY or close circle of FRIENDS?

What do you do then?

And I’ll admit, even after practicing POSITIVITY and HAPPINESS for YEARS, and knowing how to spread my optimistic attitude to others, blah, blah, blah … I sometimes get burned.

And do you know why?

Because I put myself where I know I shouldn’t be.

And it’s NEVER worth the sacrifice. EVER.

So yes, once you get positive you will typically attract other positive, like-minded peeps.

But when you MUST be around someone who tends to be negative, for whatever reason,

Then there is only one answer on how to deal with it …

YOU must give YOURSELF permission to:

  • Excuse yourself from the conversation (politely get off the phone)
  • And/or decline the invite to hang out.

Because even though you may be a positive person,

Don’t put yourself in a situation where you know you must bring ALL YOUR ENERGY in order to have a good time.

That’s TOO much of a burden.

It’s mentally exhausting and it NEVER turns out fun for you.

You may feel bad declining at first, because you don’t want to be rude,

But really, you owe it to yourself.

Because …

Everyone is on their own personal journey.

DON’T test your own personal alignment in order to compensate for anyone else’s LACK of personal alignment!

Instead …

LOVE them from afar.

And know they will eventually find their own happy way.

Because to give up your own happiness for anyone else,

Is never worth it.  EVER.

~Connie

(COMMENT below as I would LOVE to hear what has worked for you…in handling negative people in the past) 

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