(516) 340-0378 Woodbury, New York

Why Being Helpful Can Be Bad

Why being helpful is not always a good thing and how to tell the difference…

…over time we have trained ourselves to associate different qualities to define ourselves, yet sometimes we don’t realize that the quality we thought was good, may be the very quality that is holding us back from living OUR LIFE in a VERY BIG WAY.

One word that often comes up when I work with clients and “how they view” themselves in the world is by using the word: helpful.

Now I am not saying that being “helpful” is ALWAYS bad, because of course it is not, it can actually be quite rewarding. But one thing I want you to really think about is….what context are you using the word “helpful” in viewing yourself…

  1. Are you helpful, because you know your WORTH, you feel GREAT and you LOVE to give to others without expecting anything in return?OR
  2. Are you helpful, (sometimes depleting yourself of your own personal resources or happiness) in search of validation secretly hoping to receive love, acceptance or appreciation in return.

Both answers are completely different and result in 2 VERY different outcomes for you and your life’s decisions.

The 1st outcome you feel great regardless and the 2nd outcome you set yourself up for disappointment if you do not receive the desired response (which you don’t need anyway from ANYONE).

So take it from me who has seen many people struggle with wanting to be of help or “of service” to others. Don’t make the mistake of being “helpful” if you need to tend to yourself first. Because sacrificing yourself, your mental health or your happiness is never worth it.

Help yourself first, because similar to the instructions they give you on an airplane about the use of the oxygen mask…unless you take care of yourself first, you won’t have anything to give to anyone….anyway.

Feel free to comments below and if you found this helpful please share with your friends using the social media icons 😉


How to Deal with Negative People

How to Deal with Negative People


When clients ask me how to deal with negative people I always respond with the same answer…

The more positive YOU get, the less likely you will attract (encounter) negative people.

Which is TOTALLY true.


What happens when that negative person is in your FAMILY or close circle of FRIENDS?

What do you do then?

And I’ll admit, even after practicing POSITIVITY and HAPPINESS for YEARS, and knowing how to spread my optimistic attitude to others, blah, blah, blah … I sometimes get burned.

And do you know why?

Because I put myself where I know I shouldn’t be.

And it’s NEVER worth the sacrifice. EVER.

So yes, once you get positive you will typically attract other positive, like-minded peeps.

But when you MUST be around someone who tends to be negative, for whatever reason,

Then there is only one answer on how to deal with it …

YOU must give YOURSELF permission to:

  • Excuse yourself from the conversation (politely get off the phone)
  • And/or decline the invite to hang out.

Because even though you may be a positive person,

Don’t put yourself in a situation where you know you must bring ALL YOUR ENERGY in order to have a good time.

That’s TOO much of a burden.

It’s mentally exhausting and it NEVER turns out fun for you.

You may feel bad declining at first, because you don’t want to be rude,

But really, you owe it to yourself.

Because …

Everyone is on their own personal journey.

DON’T test your own personal alignment in order to compensate for anyone else’s LACK of personal alignment!

Instead …

LOVE them from afar.

And know they will eventually find their own happy way.

Because to give up your own happiness for anyone else,

Is never worth it.  EVER.


(COMMENT below as I would LOVE to hear what has worked for you…in handling negative people in the past) 

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Anxiety: Why it can be a good thing for your child.

Anxiety: Why it can be a good thing for your child.

The HIDDEN BENEFIT behind your child’s anxiety

Stop listening to the naysayers implying something is wrong with your child.

Nothing is wrong with your child.

In fact, I am here to tell you…


And no, I am not going to sell you on, “Each child is special and unique and blah, blah, blah.”


…I will tell you the TRUTH that eludes most people who have no clue about how life works.

I know, because as a kid I had anxiety and it wasn’t until I was in my mid 20’s I figured out how to overcome anxiety and START LOVING LIFE.

AND not only did I teach MYSELF how to be HAPPY…


And guess what…

 …It was a TOTAL GAME CHANGER FOR ME and it can be for YOUR CHILD as well.

Here’s why it’s important for you to know…


BUT your child needs to learn how to HARNESS anxiety in the RIGHT way.

Because when anxiety is properly addressed, AMAZING THINGS will start to happen.

You see…


Which means your child has the uncanny ability to focus in a STRONGER way than most adults!

This is an AMAZING GIFT because in life, everything you create is a result of your thoughts AND FOCUSED ATTENTION.

The problem lies…

In that your child has established a pattern of COMPETING POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE thoughts (unknowingly of course) which has created:

BIG TIME EMOTIONAL CONFLICT, manifesting extreme highs AND lows (sometimes for no reason at all).  Combined with fear, emotional distress and insecurity, this is what causes ANXIETY.

Sound familiar?


…If your child learns to HARNESS thoughts in a POSITIVE DIRECTION, utilizing the STRONG POWER OF FOCUS…

…Your child will start thinking POSITIVELY about EVERYTHING (regardless of outside negative influences or situations).


…Your child finally feeling:


Don’t allow your child to suffer from all those negative emotions for no good reason.

Instead give your child the OPPORTUNITY to TRANSFORM anxiety from a NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE into a POSITIVE, LIFE CHANGING CALLING and understand: the POWER of POSITIVITY.

“With a positive perspective in life, you can achieve anything.”

Start Loving Life®

For more information on how your child can overcome anxiety and Start Loving Life in 30 days, call/email me at (516) 340-0378, connie@startlovinglife.com.

If you know someone who can benefit from this article please feel free to share using the social media share icons. 😉


Everything you need to know about having a smart kid.

Everything you need to know about having a smart kid.

Your kid is smart.

Even if others say differently.

Smart is defined in so many ways.

Your kid doesn’t have to be a genius to be smart.

Your kid doesn’t have to get straight A’s to be smart.

YOU make your kid smart…

…by recognizing ALL the amazing abilities they do have.

Don’t limit them by holding them to a standard of what other people say is smart.

Love your kids for who they are.

Love your kids for who they are becoming.

And most of all teach your kids that smart is not the ability to know, smart is the ability to love.

Teach them to love themselves.

And the smartness that is really them will be the smartest thing they will ever need to know.

Be a smart parent.

Teach smart by teaching them how to Start Loving Life®…at an early age.


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What your school is NOT telling you about bullying.

What your school is NOT telling you about bullying.

If you are against bullying you are going about life the wrong way.

Shocker, I know.  But here’s a fact: You can’t fight ANYTHING and win.

Fighting of any kind is NOT beneficial.  Most people would disagree, but those are typically the ones fighting anything and everything.

Here’s a little secret:  Whatever you give your attention to gets bigger.  That’s right, bigger.  I didn’t say better.  I said bigger.

And if you are focused on something you do not want, that also gets bigger.

Sounds like wasted energy to me.

But that’s only because most people don’t realize that in order to affect anything positively in life (meaning achieving the ideal outcome) you must focus on what you want.  NOT the lack of it.

Therefore, don’t be against bullying, because that is the problem.  Instead, be for the solution which is instilling HARDCORE confidence in your kid, because when (and if) the bully comes around your kid will be so in-tune with who they are, they won’t even care.

See the power in that?

And this doesn’t just go for kids or bullies.  It goes for life.

Because sometimes the bully can be a friend, sibling, sometimes the bully can be a boss.

Either way it doesn’t matter.

Because when you believe in yourself.

The only opinion of you that matters…

Is your OWN.

Stop Anti-bullying and instead, START LOVING LIFE®.


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