Why being helpful is not always a good thing and how to tell the difference…
…over time we have trained ourselves to associate different qualities to define ourselves, yet sometimes we don’t realize that the quality we thought was good, may be the very quality that is holding us back from living OUR LIFE in a VERY BIG WAY.
One word that often comes up when I work with clients and “how they view” themselves in the world is by using the word: helpful.
Now I am not saying that being “helpful” is ALWAYS bad, because of course it is not, it can actually be quite rewarding. But one thing I want you to really think about is….what context are you using the word “helpful” in viewing yourself…
- Are you helpful, because you know your WORTH, you feel GREAT and you LOVE to give to others without expecting anything in return?OR
- Are you helpful, (sometimes depleting yourself of your own personal resources or happiness) in search of validation secretly hoping to receive love, acceptance or appreciation in return.
Both answers are completely different and result in 2 VERY different outcomes for you and your life’s decisions.
The 1st outcome you feel great regardless and the 2nd outcome you set yourself up for disappointment if you do not receive the desired response (which you don’t need anyway from ANYONE).
So take it from me who has seen many people struggle with wanting to be of help or “of service” to others. Don’t make the mistake of being “helpful” if you need to tend to yourself first. Because sacrificing yourself, your mental health or your happiness is never worth it.
Help yourself first, because similar to the instructions they give you on an airplane about the use of the oxygen mask…unless you take care of yourself first, you won’t have anything to give to anyone….anyway.
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I am number 2 …. LOL I am 53 and still think that is funny. But yeah… I fall into that category.
I actually need help with my 23 year old son who doesn’t leave his apartment, he graduated with an accouting degree.(not working now) He has social anxiety, no friends his age (none) only plays on the computer. Smart as hell and funny in a scaratic witty way. He is not sure if he wants to be an accountant. He is a little lost, he also will think something like this is BS. Please contact me if you help, and if I can afford these services. Thank you.
Hey Susan! It sounds like it’s time to make yourself #1!! And that’s okay, most people fall into #2, but you truly deserve more than that…perhaps something to work on for the NEW YEAR :-))) Regarding your son, definitely feel free to call me at 516.340-0378. I have worked with many kids similar to your son 🙂
I need a life coach. Do you have contacts here in Toronto?
I’m sorry I don’t. I do work with clients all over the world via FaceTime if you are interested in virtual.